WASHINGTON DC

DOORS WITH BARS, communal showers, watchtowers, armed guards and a chain gang are being discussed for the White House should Donald Trump be jailed and yet find himself President of the United States.

“There’s an interesting debate as to whether a President can actually pardon himself, as a general principle,” said a Protocol expert based in Georgetown. “Opinion is divided. That might have to go to the Supreme Court. Anyway, a President cannot pardon state crimes. So we have to be prepared for every eventuality. Hence the transformation plans. There’s even a design for bars on Air Force One, and, of course, a shitload of Vaseline’s on order.”