IBIZA WRITERS

THE OLD COMPLAINT of Germans booking deckchairs by throwing their towels across them at ungodly hours of the morning will be unnecessary if a new law from Brussels gets its way: Brits at holiday resorts across Europe will only be allowed to use deckchairs if there are no EU citizens claiming them.

The Deckchair Directive, as it is being termed, will preference EU citizens for a number of items which cause tourist arguments across the Mediterranean coasts of Europe.

“Nightclubs, bars, restaurants, strip joints, deckchairs and loungers, taxis, Segways, all of these things, will all be guaranteed to EU citizens ahead of people from third countries,” according to a press release from Brussels. “The UK is now a third country and so British tourists will need to learn their place. We are preparing a new brochure to be handed to Brits as they queue up at EU ports and airports, called Know Your Place, which will instruct them on giving way to EU citizens across the Union.”