WESTMINSTER

THE COINCIDENCE OF calls for the resignation of Sir Jeffrey Donaldson from the Westminster Parliament, and the sudden announcement of a UK General Election by Prime Minister Rishi Sunak, is just that, according to the Tory spin doctor who says he arranged for Sunak to make his election announcement in the rain to show how tough he was.

“This is all Rishi,” insists Joe Goballs. “Umbrellas are for wimps. He stands up to the elements. He lets the rain run off. Keir Starmer is so wet he carries his own rain clouds with him. Who would you choose?”

And Jeffrey Donaldson?

“Who the fuck’s he?”