HUNGER STRIKE NOT RULED OUT

FORMER PRESIDENT SAID TO BE TALKING TO LONG KESH VETERANS AND LEARNING GAELIC

SAID TO BE HAVING SPECIAL CASHMERE BLANKET MADE

BY OUR IRELAND CORRESPONDENTS

A KEY DONOR to Donald Trump’s Presidential campaign says that if the former President is jailed, he will be a political prisoner.

Danny Storm, who describes himself as an ordinary Joe Six-Pack with no axes to grind, says he began to raise funds for Trump by selling adult movies to Democrat politicians, after The Donald was defeated in the 2020 Presidential race. “It was actually as I was crawling out of the Capitol Building in Washington that I recalled seeing quite a lot of adult video material in the offices of various Democrat representatives and their officials. I guess it took off from there. Now that Mr Trump has been convicted, I can only be grateful that the Good Lord gave me the foresight to plan ahead.

“I don’t think he’ll serve a minute behind bars. Nor do my friends, Smith & Wesson. But if they do put him inside, he will be the Nelson Mandela of our age. And we can’t rule out a hunger strike. He sure as hell ain’t gonna wear no prison uniform. No, sir. Our Irish friends are helping us there. Donald Trump has a golf course in their country and they are fascinated by his wall. It appears they have a ‘Mexican’ problem too. We have a cashmere blanket ready in case the worst comes calling and our man is martyred by his enemies. Learning Gaelic – the language of the Irish – will keep his mind active when he’s lying alone in his maggot-ridden cell, covered only in cashmere. Be not afraid, Donald. Remember, our day will come!”