FROM OUR MAN IN COLOMBO, KYLE RICHARD

THE SHOCK DEFEAT of Ian Paisley Junior, has caused a momentary spike in Sri Lankan share prices as traders there anticipate a large boost to the local economy now that the sun has set on the Paisley dynasty in Northern Ireland for now.

“The sun sets in one part of the world but it rises elsewhere,” says Sean Smirk, editor of The Long Kesh News and Weekly Tattle. “And though the fall of the House of Paisley after 74 years is something to remark upon, all the free time he now has will be a shot in the arm for less fortunate places like Sri Lanka, where Ian Og, as he is apparently known on the local beaches, has previously spent time. Of course the British economy will also get a boost – no more Paisley Parliamentary expenses claims to meet. Indeed Paisley’s Parliamentary expenses on their own could probably go a long way towards rescuing Sri Lanka from the financial difficulties it often finds itself in, if they were applied there. I can see why they are excited at the prospect of him revisiting in the near future. We all wish him bon voyage.”