FROM MOOSE TUNDRA, OUR SPECIAL CORRESPONDENT

A FORMER IRISH NUN who sought to use Canada’s assisted dying laws but changed her mind when she listened to the soundtrack from The Sound of Music, has been arrested in far north Canada, according to reports from a local wire service.

Pegeen Ankletoss, originally from Offaly, had obtained the two-doctor diagnosis required in Canada for Medical Assistance in Dying, and was all set to shuffle off her mortal coil when it turned out that the doctors had been mistaken about her health – she was only suffering from a cold. Confused, Pegeen began to play Julie Andrews belting out “the hills are alive with the sound of music” on her smartphone, followed by My Favourite Things and the rest of the great family musical’s soundtrack.

“If the doctors’ error had not convinced her to continue living, then The Sound of Music did the trick,” said a friend. “She jumped up and demanded the procedure stop just as the lethal drugs were about to be administered. She began to sing “… so long, farewell, auf weidersehen, goodbye …” to the euthanasia team around her. When she reached Eidelweiss, they were all in tears.”

And that was when she was arrested.

“Yes, they got five doctors to certify that she was insane and she was sectioned on the spot,” said a Royal Canadian Mounted Policewoman. “She is crying out for help from Ireland’s prime minister, Simon Harris.”