BUTLER, PENNSYLVANIA

WITNESSES WHO CLAIM that there was another shooter at the assassination attempt on the life of Donald Trump, have been silenced.

“Weirdo loner Thomas Crooks fired the shots and he was expertly neutralized by Federal snipers. The end. Sound familiar?” says Burka McDaithi, an expert in conspiracy theories. “Have we or have we not been down this path before? I can hear Jack Kennedy turning over in his grave.”