BELGRADE, THURSDAY

US PRESIDENT JOE Biden is said to want three further terms in the White House if he wins the November election, according to well-placed insiders.

“He wants to be the first 100-year-old President,” says Moltun Lava III, a billionaire donor to the Democratic Party. “Of course he’ll need a small constitutional change and a little luck, but he’s sure he can make it. And I’m all for it. The Biden ’28 posters are already on order.”

“It’s a direct attack on those wimps who say 81 is too old,” according to Melling Lumpar IV, a scion of an East Coast liberal family with ties to the Mayflower. “Damn it, old is the new young. Forgetfulness, slurring speech, partial paralysis, all that, it’s cool. Nothing gets done in haste. Things are pondered over, and over, and over. Holy shit, are we to hold a man’s frailty against him now? Respect, that’s what we owe our elderly. As long as he has a pulse, Joe’s my guy. Can you get me my hearing aid, please?”