FROM OUR REVOLUTIONS CORRESPONDENT, MAX LENIN

A TOP SECRET Irish Government white paper is said to argue for the compulsory acquisition of all of Dublin’s golf courses, to build suitable housing for Ireland’s growing migrant population.

The document, provisionally titled Whole In One, is so explosive that only three people have had access to it to date.

“There are sixty five golf courses in and around Dublin, sitting on thousands of acres of land that could be used to building migrant housing, all that’s required is the courage to take it and use it,” says Leo O’Trotsky of A Home for All, a left-wing pressure group based in Coolock, a North Dublin suburb where migrant issues have led to violent demonstrations.

Irish Government sources deny the white paper even exists and say that there are currently no plans to build blocks of apartments on the ninth at Royal Dublin or the eighteenth at Elm Park, or on any other hole of any other exclusive golf course around the nation’s capital.

“Appalling idea!” said one civil servant whose handicap is said to be down to four these days. “These migrants are poor and they belong among their own. They’d feel awkward and embarrassed living in affluent communities. And most of them can’t even play golf.”