FROM OUR FINANCE WRITERS

EVERY TIME US Presidential candidate Kamala Harris laughs, the Dow Jones and Nasdaq Indices rise, according to a scientist.

Professor Alexander G. O. Rithim of the Negative Institute in Wyoming, studies the effects of social media events on crowd decisions. “We picked several major social media memes and watched their effects on things like sports results and stock prices. We found a definite correlation between Ms Harris’s propensity for laughing and the markets. When she laughs – and she’s been doing it a lot recently – the markets spike, sometimes for a while, other times for a few minutes. What it all means, we cannot yet say.”

Harris, for those who don’t know, is currently American Vice President. She has been in that job for four years. A former prosecutor and senator, she is known mainly for her tendency to laugh at key moments. Her laughter is so powerful that it is known to soothe babies with severe colic and thoroughbred race horses when they become excited.

“Strangely, when played backwards,” the Professor says, “her laughter appears to have a deleterious effect on life. Markets go into reverse, babies cry, and race horses refuse to run. We haven’t quite worked that one out but it could have something to do with entropy. Watch this space.”