BELGRADE, THURSDAY

SVEN UPGOTHSCHEFDOTTIR, a Swedish stand-up comedian, has been voted the world’s dullest human being.

Ms Upgothschefdottir has won the title despite heavy competition from almost two hundred competitors from around the globe.

“Low-grade celebrities, poets and internet influencers put him to the test,” says Harry Antique of the show business weekly Look At Me! “But Sven beat them all. It’s hard to beat Swedish stand-up for sheer mind-numbing dullness. I hear there are those who use it for assisted death.”