KURSK

UKRAINIAN LEADERS HAVE revealed to the world that their intention is to drive the Russians out of Russia, or at least as much of it as they can.

“This new offensive into Russia is what Ulster Protestants call a return of serve,” said a well-placed general. “What is sauce for the goose is vodka for the gander, as they say in England.”

The Ukrainian advance towards Kursk has indeed forced thousands of Russians to flee their homes.

“The sight of our fourteen – sorry, thirteen, we lost the *Nobby Styles last year -British Challenger tanks has put the frighteners on the Ruskis,” said a military spokesman travelling with the Ukrainian spearhead. “You should see them run. If this keeps up, we’ll be in Moscow before the snows come. And, unlike Napoleon, we’re gonna stay. The Russians like to say that they began in Kiev Rus,. Well that means that Russia really belongs to us. Up until now we were happy to leave them with their part of the land, but the situation has changed. It’s time to reclaim our heritage.”

*British tanks in Ukraine are said to be named after the 1966 World Cup winning squad – ED