TYRE, SOUTHERN LEBANON

A LEBANESE MAN working for Israeli intelligence has broken cover to warn Hezbollah that booby trapped Falafel is the cause of at leas two explosions at lunch tables in the south of Lebanon.

“I was involved,” he admitted. “I did not want to do it but Mossad have me by the balls. Literally. There is an explosive charge attached to my boxer shorts. Anway, we had a factory producing explosive Falafel in a certain place I cannot name. I saw tonnes of it sent out for distribution to individual targets. Some of it delivered by drone. It only explodes on contact with saliva, so you have to put it into your mouth, though if someone sneezes on it there is the possibility of a detonation.”