SPRINGFIELD, ILLINOIS

AFGHANISTAN’S TALIBAN RULERS, long reviled in the West, may soon provide American cats with a refuge from the threat of being eaten which they face at home.

According to movie star Meryl Streep, cats have more rights in the Asian state than women. Though it is not clear if all cats have these rights equally.

“We tend to treat cats equally,” said a Taliban spokesman. “Islam is a cat-friendly religion. And we try to avoid eating them.”

Haitian immigrants to the United States, who have been accused of eating cats and dogs by Donald Trump, have praised the idea.

“Such a country is obviously paradise for the domestic cat,” says J. Claude DuValya, a Haitian living in Illinios. “Personally, I prefer dogs but chacun a son gout, as we say in Port Au Prince. And if they get rid of all the domestic pets here, maybe they will feed us properly.”

Afghan women’s groups have suggested that there be a direct swap: American cats for themselves. “The likelihood of us being eaten in America is very low,” said Fatima from Kandahar. “And if we could achieve the same rights as cats there, wouldn’t that be wonderful?”