OUR BUDGET BLOWOUT CORRESPONDENT CHARLIE PONZI

WITH UKRAINE ON the back foot in its war with Russia, the Irish Government has been asked to build thousands of hyper-expensive security huts for the defence of the beleaguered Black Sea country, after the spending of over a million euros on a small security hut at Government headquarters in Dublin sparked claims that the structure must be fantastically secure to have cost so much.

“These huts just have to be virtually impregnable,” says a Ukrainian general. “So we want them for our defences. If the Americans will finance them, we’ll get the Irish here to build them.”

Irish sources say that if the price is right, the construction industry on the island of saints and scholars will not be found wanting. “You’ll find builders here are always wanting, no need to find them,” said a Dublin construction entrepreneur, “and the smaller the project the more expensive it will be. Guaranteed. Sure the cost alone will be enough to scare the shite out of the Russians. Might even force them to withdraw. And if the Ukrainians really want to put the Ruskis to flight, give us a contract to build bicycle sheds. Putin will surrender within a week of the first bill being made public.”