SOUTH LEBANON

HERE WE GO AGAIN.

Israel has launched another invasion of Lebanon. The Mark 4 version, following the 1978, 1982 and 2006 invasions, all of which ended with no real gains, lots of deaths, an even more wasted Lebanon and a very strong enemy still sitting on Israel’s northern border. Could you tell the difference between one Israeli invasion of Lebanon and another?

“This time it will be different,” said an IDF spokesperson. “This time it will actually work. Bibi assures us. Anyway, we need to draw attention away from the fact that we’ve been in Gaza for a year chasing Hamas around the block. What better way than invading Lebanon and chasing Hezbollah around the block. When we went in in 1982 we stayed 18 years. If we only stay 17 this time it will have been worth it. We invite the world to come and watch us kick ass!”

Alas, the world may be bored, even with the threat of general Middle-Eastern conflict.

“Jesus, we’ve been down this road so often we have frequent war pointsThis time we won’t even bother sending camera teams,” said a struggling US television network chief. “We’re just gonna use old footage and voice it over. No one will notice. We actually did it in 2006 and no one picked us up. Saved us a shitload of cash. We did the old tight camera shot of a correspondent in sand dunes down the road from here, mixed in with lots of noisy bang bang from all those previous invasions of Lebanon. It always works a treat. Everyone thinks our man is there. No one cares what the shooting is trying to achieve.”