DUBLIN

AFTER THE MOST vulgar attempt to buy votes in the coming general election, Irish voters have told their Government politicians that splashing the cash to get re-elected is the policy that will see them back in office.

The latest post-budget survey suggests that all Irish people want is money. And whoever provides it will get their vote.

“Sure it’s coarse, disgusting, populist bribery, preying on desperate people who are struggling even to put a roof over their heads, but needs must,” says Mick from Coolock in North Dublin. “So with a huge bonanza from multi-national taxes, the Irish Government can keep buying office for as long as the cash keeps flowing. It’s a perfect symbiosis: Multinational Ireland creates a country that is harder and harder to survive in; and the Government uses money from those foreign companies to help citizens keep their heads above the drowning point.”