DELPHI

“MORE AMERICANS NOW use opioids than actually believe in God. So opium has officially replaced religion as the opiate of the masses. Karl Marx, eat your heart out.”

The words of Dr Fredrick Groucho when opening the first World Irony Symposium in San Francisco, caused several attendees to glance around the tent where they were lying, and ask: “Karl who?”

The gathering deteriorated from that moment as delegates flopped out in various corners and on street pavements, and no one listened to anything anyone had to say.

“I was disappointed, I will admit that,” Dr Groucho said. “Then someone threw a syringe at me and began shitting on the floor in front of me. That’s when I left. I was headed for an I Told You So conference in Portland, Oregon, but I was warned off and so I went home. And then to church.”