CALIFORNIA

IN A SHOCK poll of Democratic voters in California, a majority has agreed with the proposition that men slapping women is acceptable if the purpose of the slapping is to put the woman in her place.

“We actually put this sentence to the people we polled, just so they understood what we were asking: ‘Is it all right for a man to slap a woman if its purpose is to put the bitch in her place?’ And we were surprised to find that a significant majority said yes,” said G. Allup Sirvay of Rules Don’t Apply, an online punk statistics company. “Then we asked whether such a slap was indeed an act of violence if done for this purpose? Again, majority answer: No. That one stunned us. We just cannot explain it.”