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CAN YOU HEAR THAT? It’s the sound of the Boys of Sixty Sixty (except Geoff Hurst) turning over in their graves. The England soccer team has a German manager. And whispers are that, although there are no immediate plans to do so, some in the English Football Association are seriously considering going “full Gerry” and hiring German players too.

Humiliating?

Not a bit of it for some.

“It would certainly help us in penalty shoot-outs,” says Dave from Peterborough. “let’s face it, I’ve lost count of all the times our lads couldn’t hit a barn door at two feet. Two fuckin’ left feet!”

Many are resigned though.

“I suppose it’s terribly difficult to find any Englishmen these days,” said Brexiteer Sheila from South Shields. “Though I do shudder to think what the dead lads of Sixty Six are thinking. And don’t mention the war, for God’s sake.”

The new manager, Thomas Tuchel, is not a stranger to the England football scene, having managed Chelsea. But he is only the third foreigner to manage the national team (the fourth if you include Lee Carsley, who though English born played for Ireland and created some controversy over his unwillingness to sing God Save The King before a match against Ireland in Dublin).

The move to hire a German is seen by some as a counter to Brexit. “What better way to re-establish links with the EU than this,” says Wanda from the Home Counties.

Others see a more aggressive English nationalism at play. “Well, essentially the English are Germans anyway,” insists Professor Malachy Small-Device of Crossmaglen Polytechnic. “This move is consistent with the recent rise in vigorous English nationalism. They’re slowly headed home to momma. Or should I say Mutti?”