BERLIN, GERMANY

THE LARGEST ORDER for jackboots ever seen has been sent to manufacturers of the iconic footwear around the globe following the victory of Donald Trump in the US Presidential election.

“Hundreds of thousands of pairs have been requested by so-called Jackboot Brokers, many based in Florida,” says blogger Josef Gofer, whose website, Fascistnotbest, monitors thousands of right-wing threats across the continents. “We can only suppose that there must be a connection to the recent Trump triumph. Not since Operation Barbarossa has the jackboot been so in-demand. We here at Fascistnotbest are also feverishly monitoring colored shirt sales, particularly black and brown, and will announce our findings to the world as soon as we have them ready.”

Across the Atlantic, shoemakers in Italy are said to be putting in quotes for high quality knee-length leather boots, designed specifically for people in leadership positions in newly-minted dictatorships.

“These can take up to three months and so will not be ready before January 2025,” says Luigi Mussolino whose Milanese firm, The Heel, makes high-end patent leather dictatorial footwear. “Only the best tyrants wear my boots,” he added. “America is a fantastic opportunity. O dear, I should not have said that. Omerta, please, omerta.”