OUR REPORTERS IN NORTH CAROLINA

“THEY’RE CALLING IT the Trump Kick: pregnant mothers who felt a movement in their wombs before they set off to vote in the US Presidential elections. It is an extraordinary claim and we will need to see the data before confirming it. Fat chance of that. They’re gonna sit on it, I bet.”

Dr F.U. Nhinged, a pollster who has failed to predict that last ten US Presidential Elections, was on his second bottle of Jack Daniels when he brought up the secret survey of pregnant women taken immediately after voting across the fifty states, to our reporters, who were only on their first bottle.

“It was conducted by a pro-abortion group, for Pete’s sake, to see if being pregnant actually had any effect on women’s views of their reproductive rights. A huge percentage of those who felt the kick, voted Trump when they cast their ballot. Well, duh, no shit Sherlock!”

Dr Benjamin passed out at this point.