BELGRADE, THURSDAY

“EVEN THE WHITE women are misogynists!”

Leslee Beehen, a Kamala Harris voter, could hardly stand up as she spoke to the Kookarburra Bugle in downtown Belgrade. As she fell to her knees crying, then howling, her dungarees tore and her Doc Marten boots were scuffed. “I can never go home,” she said. “And a hundred and seventy five million women will have to leave the United States.”

She grabbed her spiked hair and began tearing at it, pulling it out in clumps.

“I’ve heard they’re already ordering Burkas. Did you hear that? Where will I go, what will I do?”

“Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn,” our reporter replied. Then she closed her notebook and walked off for a sweet tea and a piece of cake.