BY D. RUG KARTEYL, FROM ALCATRAZ

IT’S A SMALL bag, not much bigger than a large tobacco pouch, but they say it’s all you need to survive four years of coming Trump tyranny.

Johnny (not his real name) was handing them out as he dealt meth and heroin to sundry addicts living on the streets around him. “This is my patch, and these are my customers. Trump is our enemy. When a decent drug dealer cannot pursue his trade and a wretched addict cannot overdose in the gutter, we know America has reached the bottom. So we’re handing out these little gift packs, to insulate the victims of what’s coming. Watch out for the turd there … oops!”