WASHINGTON DC

COMMENTATORS AND EXPERTS who predicted a Kamala Harris victory have been so desperate to pass blame and backtrack on their original pronouncements, that it has actually slowed Earth’s daily orbit, according to scientists.

“It’s remarkable. We had to take several measurement, using the most sophisticated equipment, to confirm it: the daily Earth orbit speed has decreased by a measurable amount since the election was determined,” says Albert Fermi-Stein, of the National Organisation For Unforeseen Consequential Knowledge Integration Next Generation Warping Anti-Yaw, a cosmic navigational agency based in Nevada. “And the most significant decreases take place when Democratic supporters and commentators are furiously trying to explain how and why they got it so wrong. That is indisputable. Indeed, they are actually in danger of slowing time if they keep this up, and could conceivably put time into reverse. Which, I suppose, might suit them. It it were not so intriguing, it would be a little scary. We’re hoping it won’t go on for too much longer as there is a small chance the Earth, much like the Democrats, will not recover.”