DUBLIN, IRELAND

“SURE, THERE’S ONLY one place in this whole country more cushy than a job teaching school, and that’s the Dail. That’s why so many people run for election in general, and why so many of those are teachers, hence a shortage of teachers.”

So says economist and businessman Dr Leery McMichael, corporate raider and author of best sellers Lazy Shites: How Ireland Thrives On Doing Next To Nothing and The Dullness Of The Dail: Inactivity As An Art Form.

He was commenting on the latest general election controversy over teacher numbers in Dail Eireann and their effect on its efficiency.

“About twelve shagging per cent of the Dail are teachers. I don’t know how many are on career breaks. You see that’s the beauty of being a teacher, you can usually go back to momma when you’re effed out of the Dail. If your party doesn’t give you a free seat in the Seanad, that is.”

McMichael, who is distantly related to former UDA strongman John McMichael, hosts a controversial podcast entitled Returning The Serve, which has be demonetized fifteen times to date.

“Yes, it’s a tribute to Loyalist paramilitarism,” he admits, “which gets little credit for its contribution to modern Ireland, though it has a shitload of lessons to teach the corporate world, if people would only listen. Small company determined to resist hostile takeover, relying on a white knight with diminishing capital. War’s over. Forgive and forget; or at least pretend to. Anyway, I’m here to engage with reality, not to serve up platitudes and rake over dying embers. When I see something, I call it out. Teachers in office is now an issue in this election. We’re always complaining about the shortage of teachers and maybe one reason is that so many of them end up running for an sitting in the Dail.”