CO. WICKLOW, IRELAND

“THIS IS THE difference between someone who has simply failed upwards from nowhere and a real political leader – Simon Harris always sounds like a schoolboy who has learned his poetry by heart without really understanding it; a true leader knows the meaning behind the words. Or at least pretends he does.”

The sentiments of Dermot Lense-Brophy, whose Facebook Page Poetry Today, Poetry Tomorrow, Poetry Forever has managed to publicize more verse than can ever be read, and who is writing a fifteen thousand verse poem in iambic pentameter on the 2024 Irish General Election.

“Harris has no off switch. It appears they just wind him up and let him loose. The result is one of those mechanical toys that just keep going till they fall off a cliff. I don’t know if publicly humiliating a care worker is that cliff moment, but this Taoiseach can genuinely be said to have reached the level of his own incompetence. It appears that he simply cannot engage on a human level. He doesn’t listen, he waits. Then he spits out pre-recorded gibberish and walks off leaving his victim in tears. With him carrying a smug face like that of a child who wants to be best in class. It’s embarrassing. Is that the best they can offer?”

Harris supporters counter by insisting the Taoiseach was dealing with a difficult – and dangerous – situation when he was questioned by a care worker.

“Care workers are always complaining,” said a Fine Gael campaign foot soldier. “There’s never enough money for them. And there’s always more care needed. If we’re not careful – excuse the pun – they’ll present a clear and present danger to this state. Honestly, the Provos were easier to handle when they were in full campaign mode. All you had to do with them was point north and off they went. Care workers are everywhere. As you can see. Sniping from all corners. Lethal in an election.”