CANBERRA

AUSTRALIA’S ARMED FORCES will be the first in the world to achieve net zero while in battle.

The Government is proposing to equip its fighting men, women and others with green ammunition and weapons systems that leave no carbon emissions.

“This a win-win from Albo’s Army,” insisted a Canberra press officer. “The weapons will harm no one and the ammunition will actually help lower global temperatures. We’re so excited.”

And where is this new weaponry coming from?

“China, mate. They have it all. Green bullets. Renewable rifles. Climate friendly napalm. And ballistic missiles that bring rain instead of raining down hellfire and brimstone. They’ve even got a yellow submarine that gives off whale sounds so it can attract sea creatures and the like. This is the future. Albo’s Army is on its way, Albo’s Army is here to stay …”