DAMASCUS

“IT LOOKS LIKE ANOTHER GRUBBY COUP masquerading as a rebellion. People around him obviously wanted him to go. And there was no Russia or Iran to help him. They’re busy. So now Syria is in the hands of freedom-loving Islamic fundamentalists. Yippee!”

Mike Viper-Aynus, CIA Agent, gun runner, counter-terrorist whistle-blower and one-time lead tenor at La Scala in Milan, was speaking from his jail cell in South America, where his refusal to give up the names of two drug-runners, who he says have been financing the US campaign against Islamic State in Afghanistan, has led to his being slated for extradition to Washington next month on charges of treason.

“Wait for the usual tyrant Assad and freedom loving rebels crap to appear in the usual news outlets. Then if we’re really unlucky these guys in Syria will give fundamentalist Islam a brand new base from which to grow again. The Turks will have to get involved; the Kurds too; and who the hell knows where Israel will find itself. Assad will probably go back to fixing people’s sight. And some day he might even be missed.”