DAMASCUS WRITERS

FOLLOWING ITS MISTAKEN rescue of an Assad regime thug from a prison where he had apparently been torturing people not long before, CNN has been told that its future lies in rescuing tyrant henchmen rather than providing objective news.

“Look, CNN’s ratings have been diving over the past few years, it’s time they focused on what they are really good at,” says Alois Pot Paul, an independent intelligence contractor who once ran a black torture site for the CIA. “This could be the only future for the channel. And it’s a growth industry as various tyrannical regimes continue to fall. Because when the tyranny goes, its thousands of goons always have to get out fast. Now, they have a surefire way: they can fake their own imprisonment, and have CNN broadcast that they are newly released victims. After that, they just walk away.”