DUBLIN

FRESHLY APPOINTED IRISH Prime Minister Micheal Martin, and his deputy, Simon Harris, are facing a flurry of questions about their relationship from people all over the world who witnessed their press conference outside the Irish Parliament following an initial failure by the pair to have Mr Martin formally appointed as his country’s leader.

“The body language, the looks, their whole demeanor, it just screams – if you know what I mean – married couple,” says American gossip columnist, Hedda Ball, who owns a house in Kerry. “And though we know who the husband is, he is surely what my folks would have called hen-pecked. Did you see the face on that guy, Harris? And the bent shoulders and thousand-yard stare on Martin, who’s supposed to be the boss. I’ve seen that before. And those men, they do all the cooking and all the cleaning, believe me. I know the deal they have is that Harris becomes boss in a few years, but anyone looking at those two would have to ask: what’s the point? The way he talked over Martin, can you imagine anyone doing that to Trump? And I knew Charlie Haughey, and I can tell you no one would have talked across him like that. Dear Charlie. Wouldn’t trust him as far as I could throw him, but he sure was fun. Martin always looks like he doesn’t really enjoy life. As for Harris, I keep having to tell myself he has left school.”

Spokespersons for both men’s parties have been quick to explain that their relationship is purely political. “If it is a marriage, it’s one of convenience,’ remarked one insider.

“Or maybe a shotgun marriage,” said Ms Ball with smile.