OUR LYRICS EDITOR, COLE PEWTER

DONALD TRUMP’S DESIRE to rename the Gulf of Mexico, the Gulf of America, has run into its first significant hurdle – the new name would destroy the lyrics of a song celebrating a famous victory over the British at the time of the War of 1812.

“Yes, the lyrics of The Battle of New Orleans are very specific – the British are sent running down the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico,” says Caleb Jackson-Lafitte, a blues guitarist from the Big Easy. “Gulf of America simply won’t fit the rhyme. It’s ‘down the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico’ not ‘down the Mississippi to the Gulf of America’. Mr Trump risks ruining one of the great patriotic American victory songs, even though the victory came after the war had ended. But hell our guys didn’t know that. A win is a win. And anyway, changing those lyrics ain’t going to sit well with the Proud Boys.”