LONDON

SOCIAL WORKERS WHO want the UK to be a more welcoming society for illegal immigrants, say that all new arrivals who wanted them, should be given season tickets for Premier League football matches.

“The aim is to assist them with their mental health,” said one advocate of the proposal. “When people come here by boat, they are usually cold and wet and of course many don’t speak English. What better way to make them feel at home immediately, than to give them access to the Premiership. And what better way to speak to these new arrivals, than using the international language of football. We may even need a quota of seats for the bigger games. I’m sure old supporters of the clubs will gladly give up their places for an immigrant who needs to know how welcome they are.”