CITY OF LONDON STAFF

THE BRITISH ECONOMY is in such peril that the country may have to consider a return to those enterprises that made it great centuries ago, says a leading economist.

Dr John Silver, of the Larceny Fund, a hedge fund based in the Cayman Islands, says that Britain became a world empire by stealing from the Spanish empire, trading in African slaves and using them to produce sugar, and then finally dumping narcotics into China at enormous profits.

“These businesses have been overlooked in recent decades but they could provide a lifeline to the current Labour administration,” he insists. “If Keir Starmer can get a crew of merciless pirates together and pick on some successful country’s goods in transport, it can then finance the purchase and sale of slaves. There’s still a good market for slaves around the globe. And narcotics – one good year of dumping fentanyl into the United States and we could clear the national debt. It’s time to return to what we British do best. Let’s face it, crime pays.”