PARIS

NEWS THAT A brigade of the Ukrainian Army, trained in France, has seen scores of its soldiers break and run away after being sent to the front, has caused some to wonder whether there might be something about French culture that doesn’t lend itself to war.

“Well, it’s well known that four years occupying France did more damage to the German Army in WW2, than any number of allied divisions,” remarked General Jean Baptiste Chacal, hero of the resistance, who once organized a beauty contest to capture an entire SS Brigade. “The Boche entered Paris in 1940 as Teutonic gods; the left as a venereal rabble in 1944, buttoning up their flies after a last visit to a bordello, pockets stuffed with claret and soft cheeses. France does that to people. It’s just too damn nice. I warned our government not to train Ukrainians here.”

Fifty soldiers of the 155th Mechanized Brigade actually deserted in France, while many more left their unit when they reached the front in Ukraine.

“We French keep our best troops abroad most of the time,” General Chacal insisted. “We know the dangers of La Belle France to the martial spirit. They should have trained the Ukrainians in some shit-hole in England, then they would have been pleading to be sent to the front in Ukraine, just to get away.”