MOSCOW

RUSSIAN FOREIGN MINISTER Sergei Lavrov appears to have rumbled a NATO plan to get thousands of its troops on the ground in Ukraine, by disguising them as peace keepers.

The Putin loyalist has deemed it unacceptable. His Ministry says not only can Ukraine not be in NATO, but NATO cannot be in Ukraine. In any way.

NATO planners are said to be uttering the phrase “drat, drat and double drat”, as the clever plan was believed to have been working for a while, with UK Prime Minister Starmer virtually offering his whole army as monitors if a surrender – sorry peace – deal is done with the Russians.