BERLIN

AMERICAN INTELLIGENCE AGENTS are now hoping that a victory in Ukraine will cause Vladimir Putin’s head to swell so much, he will make a terrible decision, like invading China – or investing in Californian real estate, and in that way bring his regime down.

“The use of Ukraine to beat him into submission has not worked,” says CIA agent “X”, who has been in Ukraine since 2014. “Our guys are running out of steam and it’s bleeding us dry. This cannot go on. Time for a new strategy. Why not feed the Kremlin strong man’s ego, give him some victory to chew on, and he’s bound to do what Hitler and Napoleon did, bite off more than he can chew. Personally, I’m hoping he invests in Californian real estate – I lost my Pacific Palisades home in the recent fires. And I like China. I used to love Kung Fu when I was a kid. Glasshopper …”