BUENOS AIRES

AN ARGENTINIAN POLICE report on Liam Payne’s final hours before he fell to his death from a hotel balcony in Buenos Aires, shows the multi-millionaire pop star was another tragic victim of those demons, fame and fortune.

“You have to feel sorry for him,” says Ellie Billie-Goosebumps, a One Direction fan since she was in her mother’s womb. “All that money, all that fame, all those drugs, the prostitutes on tap, he was such a victim.”

Julia Hells-Bells, who wanted to marry Payne when she was seven, says she blames Donald Tump. “If Trump hadn’t been standing for election, I’m sure this would not have happened.”

Charges against three people with respect to the star’s death have been dropped. Old rockers have given the star’s demise the thumbs up.

“I think he went out like a genuine rock legend – I bet Keith Moon and Bon scott are waiting for him in paradise,” remarked Lupo Renegade, lead singer of the 1970s support band – Slow Down. “All my mates are dead. And they all died vomiting or falling or drowned in baths and swimming pools. I like that Liam did a bit of genuine hotel room damage before he – er – checked out. Legend!”