LONDON

A TOP SURGEON based in London’s Harley Street, says that an enormous increase in knee replacements can be linked to the Woke phenomenon of recent years.

“At first I thought it was some return to religion, or people engaging in fellatio more often, but then I did some research among my patients and I found that a large proportion of them were uber Woke,” says Professor X, who does not wish to give his real name for fear of cancellation. “They all took the knee so regularly that it eventually injured them. Some will never recover; others still insist on the practice even though I warn them that it can only lead to a wheel chair in the end.”

Taking the knee, a symbolic gesture against racism, began in America in 2016 and spread rapidly after that.

“Unfortunately, no one stopped to think about the damage endless kneeling would do to, well, knees,” Professor X says. “Some of my patients were kneeing scores of times a day and hundreds of times a week. Some people, whose ancestors were slave traders never got off their knees. One woman, who found out her family’s wealth came from sugar in the Caribbean, has been on her knee since 2019. She just wouldn’t get up. And now she can’t get up. It’s tragic really. She can’t look at a black person without feeling shame. Her knees are destroyed. And the rest of her isn’t much better.”