CANBERRA

CYCLONE ALFRED THREATENING the east coast of Australia has led to calls for Federal Prime Minister Anthony Albanese to release Members of Federal Parliament, from both chambers, especially Ministers, for use as sandbags against projected floods.

“Look, Albo has all these windbags sitting around doing fuck all; they could be really useful protecting against rising river levels and tidal surges,” says Bruce Budgie-Smuggler, a resident of the Northern Rivers area of New South Wales. “A lot more useful than they are in Canberra. I can see a river bank from my window where – if we lay them end to end – a barrier against flooding could be constructed of members of parliament, senators and the like. You could probably line the Gold Coast across the border with these people. The real value of the windbag member of parliament is that they are mobile. They can be moved around to meet danger where it arises.”