FROM OUR SYDNEY HARBOR-SIDE MANSION CORRESPONDENTS

POLITICAL SYCOPHANTS ACROSS the globe will be turning on ex-Australian prime minister Malcolm Turnbull, following his suggestion that politicians were queuing up like sycophants in a conga line before American President Donald Trump, says a leading pressure group spokesman.

Ronald Hack of Tongue, a centrist lobby group which advises politicians around the world, says the former Australian leader might have lasted longer in office himself if he had learned to crawl, bow and scrape a little more. “We humans are pack animals, no matter what people say. And packs have leaders. And those leaders need acknowledgement. It’s all part of the political game. Only when we sense weakness in The Donald will politicians we advise, turn on him in favor of someone else. Right now he’s the crazy king, clearing out the Court. It’s best to go along with him until we see where this is going. He adores flattery and that kind of thing, so why not give it to him in spades. If it gets you what you want. We’re not in politics to behave with honor, let alone dignity. Check those in at the door, please. It’s not possible to do any of that that and ever get re-elected. Once you enter politics, you recognize that it is all about naked power. The Donald is the top dog, until the day he isn’t. Of course, on that day, he too will understand the realities of naked power. It might not be pretty. Until then, our clients will clean their tongues, humiliate themselves and bow and scrape and bend to the top dog.”