BELFAST

“WOULDN’T IT BE ironic if Ireland did unite, but under the flag of the crescent moon? Wouldn’t we all feel silly?”

The words of a former IRA volunteer were echoed by two men whom he once would have considered mortal enemies. They were commenting on news that Islamic fundamentalists were planning attacks in Belfast.

“While we were going at each other, it appears the jihadists quietly slipped into the gap,” said the UDA man.

“And now they’re launching attacks in our city,” insisted the man from the UVF. “Fuck that for a game of soldiers. This is our patch. Either we wreck it, or no one does.”

All three look at one another, puzzled.

“I think it’s time for a drink,” said a man from the INLA standing in the shadows. “Which bar? Catholic or Protestant?”

They all looked at one another.

“Let’s do them all,” they all said.