BELGRADE, THURSDAY

FOLLOWING THE SUPERCHARGED bromance between the US President and the Irish Mixed Martial Artist, a poll taken around the world saw an overwhelming number of respondents say they believed that Conor McGregor just had to be his country’s leader, as opposed to a minuscule number who recognized Micheal Martin as the Irish Prime Minister when he visited the White House for St Patrick’s Day.

“You couldn’t get two more definitive encounters,” explains Tude Fcuku II, a political observer who has called the past twelve US Presidential elections. “Martin, barely noticeable in the White House, awkward, slightly fawning, a drippy looking countenance, obviously praying the US President would not say anything embarrassing, just trying to get to the end of the meeting without screwing up; and then McGregor, basically sparing with Trump, exchanging praise, scratching each other’s backs, confident in who they are, giving a big up yours to the world. I know a little of southern Irish political life, and I’d say that Martin represents the base, supine, cringing past, where Irish people believed everyone was their superior. He was essentially there to pay homage to Trump in the way any vassal does. Hoping that his display of fealty might hold the American leader’s imagination and stop him hitting Ireland with the worst tariffs. McGregor, controversial as he is, represents an Irish future that mirrors Trump. Basically he’s saying I’ve taken on the world and won, and so can Ireland. They are world’s apart. The McGregors fight for everything, take what they want and ask for nothing. They want to be the masters of their own fate. The Martins are always stepping aside for someone. They appear more comfortable being a client than a master.”