BEIJING

THE RECENT APPEARANCE of Chinese naval vessels off the coast of Australia may have been an attempt to freeload on Aussie internet data, says a maritime intelligence specialist.

“They were following our undersea internet cable,” said Ron Valerie whose company Flipper monitors underwater communications. “My guess is they were trying to freeload on our available data, as their own has come under huge strain since Donald Trump announced his tariff war. The Chinese Government is now taking up some much space on the internet in China, that there is not enough left to go around. So they’re borrowing it from others. Like when you take electricity from your neighbor by splicing into his connection. The Beijing regime is desperately trying to find out what Trump is planning next. That takes up just about all they have in the Middle Kingdom. They know we have good connections, so they’re trying to tap in. The problem for them is that Australia has several false cables running along the depths of the ocean, at least one of which – if you tap into it – reverses the game on you and taps into your computers. Oh, maybe I shouldn’t have said that. Forget I said that.”