FROM OUR EVIL VILLAIN DESK

“ALL HE NEEDS is that cat in his lap, and he is a central casting villain. Trump’s America has made enemies of all its friends, and will make friends of all its enemies!”

Dr Ronald Noall, of the Seismic Institute, a free trade think tank, was speaking from his home in Uruguay. “I made a packet shorting the world’s stock markets today,” he added. “It was a no brainer. When a man tries to take on the whole world, bet on chaos.”

Dr Noall, who predicted Trump’s victory last year, says that the United States is displaying all the characteristics of a once mighty company that’s slipping down the rankings. “First you blame the rest of the world; then you blame the system; then you blame whomever you can; then you blame each other. Meanwhile, your opponents, whom you’ve been savaging, they all begin to gather, many sensing weakness rather than strength. Whatever comes out of this, it might not be what The Donald expects. The law of unexpected consequences will play out here. He might even ruin some economies. If he does, they will not easily forgive America. He’d better not be looking for military allies anywhere. No one will turn up. Indeed, Vladimir Putin must be crying laughing right now. Trump has fired a broadside at Europe, and a nuclear missile into China. If that continues, China will not stand by and be screwed in silence and Europe will look to Germany and maybe challenge him across the Atlantic. Europe is never as weak as it seems. And I don’t know what his recent threatening of Russia with tariffs is all about. What’s the Russian is for ‘You’ve had us under sanction for years and fat lot of good it’s done you’. I guess Trump expects negotiations and deals. In the meantime, I await developments and, of course, expect higher prices across America. But I’m sure his followers will see the value of a long game and support him all the way, for as long as it takes to Make America Great Again.”