WASHINGTON, DC

THE LITTLE-KNOWN Hubris Futures Index, based in Switzerland, has seen a huge spike in the hours following Donald Trump’s announcement of his imposition of tariffs on the countries of the World.

The HuFu, as it’s known, began life as a side-bet between two bankers on the outcome of Napoleon’s invasion of Russia in 1812. It last seriously spiked when George W Bush invaded Iraq in 2003, although one of its synthetic options did collapse when Irish leader Bertie Ahern told critics of his government’s economic policies they should commit suicide not long before the country’s economy headed down the toilet in 2008.

The HuFu’s greatest spike moment was when Adolf Hitler invaded Russia in 1941; this was followed closely by Richard Nixon’s removal of the US dollar from the gold standard in the 1970s.

“Usually the HuFu spikes when someone in power does something that smacks of misplaced pride,” says Icarus Nemesis, who manages a fifteen billion dollar hedge fund from a private jet that never lands. “Hubris futures pay enormous multiples of any investment, so the market moves infrequently but very suddenly and quickly. Everyone is wishing Trump all the best in his endeavors.”