SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA

A PET GEKKO that picked stocks to short by scrambling about searching for its tail, has left its owner with a profit of a billion dollars after he predicted that Donald Trump would put tariffs on the exports of every country in the world.

Gordon, whose tail was taken off by a cat, selected the shares that his owner would short, when the man decided that he could take Donald Trump at his word.

“I bought a significant amount of put options, as I knew that there would be panic when Trump put tariffs on everyone,” the trader said. He did not wish to be identified but is Australian. “I can imagine people will not be happy with me. But I have to thank all those suckers who pushed the markets up and up even in the face of Trump’s promise. They obviously did not believe him. Gordon selected the stocks we chose at random. I wouldn’t let the cat eat him.”