BLARNEY CASTLE, CO CORK, OIRLAND

A NEW REPORT from Washington says that President Donald Trump is planning to put a 50% tariff on Irish Blarney.

The American President is said to have identified a huge gap in the exchange of pleasant and charming conversation between his fellow countrymen and people coming from Ireland.

The gap in the gift of the gab is particularly noticeable among Republicans in the United States, who have seen a massive deterioration in their ability to speak charmingly and coherently since the days of Teddy Roosevelt. Not even the recruitment of people of Irish heritage in recent decades has been able to compensate for it. Consequently, Irish people when they come over to America enjoy a significant conversational advantage which the Trump Administration feels cannot be allowed to continue.