FROM OUR OBESITY EDITOR, FATS PHLEGM-DAGG

A NEW STUDY has discovered that people who voted for Donald Trump were more likely to lose weight than those who voted Democrat.

Weight A Minute, a survey carried out by the Lipo Institute, a think tank that calculates the relationship between weight and politics, examined the waistlines of thousands of American voters.

“Democrats tend to have bigger asses than Republicans, that’s a big factor,” said Dr Humble Pride, an obesity economist who led the study. “And Republicans have bigger muscles. We examined our subjects before and after the Presidential election. We did not ask them their preference before the study was complete. Only when they had voted and we had examined them again, did they reveal who they had voted for. All the Republicans showed a significant loss of weight after the Trump victory. The Democrats, especially the females, showed either no change or weight gain.”

The study noted a significant spike in sales of wine and chocolate across America after the election, but could not be sure that it was linked to its results. “It is harder to lose weight from your ass,” Dr Pride remarked, shrugging his shoulders. “Especially if you sit around eating chocolate and drinking wine, I suppose.”