KYIV

A WORLD-WIDE poll suggests that people are more familiar with the strange goings on at the very edge of space and time than they are with the current situation in the Ukraine war.

“Fifty five per cent of those surveyed were convinced the Ukraine war was over,” says Ultan Gallap of Cop On, a planetary polling organisation based in London. “Twenty five per cent were sure the Ukrainians had won back in 2023. Fifteen per cent thought that Vladimir Putin was President of the United States and ten per cent said that Donald Trump was the CEO of Disney. Most of that cohort were from California.”

Ignorance about the Ukraine war was countered by an extraordinarily deep knowledge of the findings brought back to Earth by the James Webb Space Telescope.

“O yes,” said Gallap, “deep space is where folks are focused. Millions of young men around the world are waiting for the JWST to discover the Death Star or the Star Wars galactic empire. Huge numbers believe that if you look far enough into the past and as far as you can, you are bound to see the Star Wars universe. So every photograph and attached theory of the origins of the universe are tracked like a stock market price. And lets be honest, internet media has more interest in space and time than Ukraine and and ordinary media has taken to ignoring Ukraine wishing it would just go away. They’re all over Gaza now, which gives them a higher moral ground to preach from.”